Let's be very honest here, we have ALL experienced break ups. Whether you are the dumper or the dumpee. And if you haven't, you are either one lucky son of a gun, have been hiding underneath a rock somewhere or are lying through your teeth. But we also all know (bar those individuals who apparently haven't) that break ups can hurt more than a Brazilian wax at times! Or a kick in the nuts for you lads out there!
I remember when I broke up with my first boyfriend at the tender age of 14. Feeling like the world had just fallen apart and that I was doomed to remain a spinster for the rest of my days. My mother, (bless her) just looked me in the eye and said, ''You have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince.'' Or princess for some of you other people! Honestly when I heard that I just cried more, and boy am I a messy crier. Now we're all mature adults and can admit that no one, and I mean no one, is a beautiful crier. Not even the celebrities we so worship. I mean, what's so attractive about scrunched up red faces covered in salt water and snot? Nothing I tell you, absolutely nothing! Now back to the wise words my mother told me. At the time, I could think of was no amount of Ben and Jerry's was going to fix this (it sure came close though!) And I wished I could just hurl myself out the window. Ah, we all must love those highly strung teenage hormones! But, years later, those words of wisdom from my mother were certainly true. It just takes a while to actually see the result of them!
Onto the stages of break ups, well what I view as the stages of break ups anyway ha ha!
1.Denial
This is generally how most people feel after the break up has occurred. You just can't believe it's happened. Why has this happened? You feel like Dorothy who just got up and dumped in Oz without her Toto. Sucks doesn't it? I hate to be a complete bitch here, but yes this break up did happen. No one has slipped you anything while you weren't looking, so you're not having this horrible bad trip/dream. This is reality. This is also the part where you generally get so angry, punching a wall sounds so tempting. Don't! Ending up in hospital with a broken hand is not a picture of dignity and grace.
2.Depression
Here's the part where people generally feel they have reached rock bottom. You'll also probably have gone through endless boxes of tissues and tubs of Ben and Jerry's. And tried to get in contact with that ex of yours. Seriously, stop, drop and roll that phone! Or employ someone to kidnap you, and dump you far far away from civilization and communication technology! Also you'll probably have watched and listened to 'our movie' and 'our song' on repeat for the last while too. Feel free to be upset, you're entitled to! But this is also where things do begin to look up, because you can't go any lower than you are.
3.Acceptance
Now you begin to start being your old self again! The rose tinted glasses are off! Everything your ex used to do, that you thought you loved and was super adorable, now annoys the s***t out of you! And with good reason! Thought your partners snoring was cute and funny? WRONG! It was the reason you never could quite get a good night's sleep whenever they were over. Thought all the jealous comments on all the guy mates you hung out with were flattering and confidence boosting? AGAIN WRONG! You just escaped one paranoid person indeed! These annoying little traits can be applied to guys and gals, so lads you are not alone!
Congrats! You have now gone past the stages of a break up! Hold your head high you sexy mother flucker you! Now there's no need to worry about that sweaty palm syndrome we all experience when first seeing ex's after that tragic ordeal! Now get thy ass out and start enjoying your single life!
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