Dammit Cupid you had one job!

Now if any of you darlings had read my last blog post, you would know that was about revealing the inner workings of break ups and exes. That's pretty-ing it up a bit too much, because I'm sure everyone knows the inner workings of a break up!
This blog post however, shall now delve deep into the world of meeting your next potential partner. Most of you now might start whimpering and go running to the hills in an effort to avoid this. Believe me, I certainly was one of them after breaking up with my last ex! The mere thought of opening myself up again emotionally to another person basically had the same reaction of someone scraping their nails down a blackboard. Eek!

So before I met my current boyfriend, I had the habit of repeating the beautiful mantra of; 'I am a strong independent black woman who don't need no man!' Such was instilled into me by my beautiful wife and best friend whom is crazier than a box of frogs as they say!
And so everyday, for a few months, this was the general normality of my life. Repeating that said mantra to myself regardless of where I was, especially when I felt low. I would imagine that a fair few people probably though that I was an escapee from a mental asylum and was there specifically to kill them all in my madness. But luckily on their part, I wasn't!
So as time goes on, we all tend to reach the stage where we begin to feel more lonesome at some point. And after almost 3 years with someone, it definitely is a shock! Eventually you'll begin going out again if you haven't already, and start socializing with others of the human species like the social butterfly you are! And in my case, the socializing you'll mainly do is on the internet with many sites, mainly the one site called Tagged because you're a hermit! Now with Tagged, it's definitely a hit or miss on whether you'll meet some unsavory characters or not. But other than that, you do tend to get a good few laughs with some desperate individuals like myself! (No offence.)
And somewhere along the way, in some circumstance, you'll meet someone and you'll begin talking and they'll make you feel like this;

That's pretty much how most people tend to feel at the start about their potential partners in a nut shell. We'll get into the schematics later! This is how it pretty much went for me. One day, I casually started messaging a random fella on the for-said site and it seemed to go from there! I admit his photos did give a butterfly effect feeling in my tummy and I did wonder  if he actually did look like that in real life. I'm always wary because of the movie Catfish and all! He was a funny, intelligent and down to earth guy with just a sprinkling of craziness (at least when I first started talking to him ha ha) all wrapped up in a good looking package!

And so one day, after a few weeks of just casually chatting, we decided to exchange skype contacts and soon after decided to cam chat. Now this was the day after a night of heavy drinking with the besto, so panda eye syndrome was in full swing here. Plus I probably had that green twinge of sickness going on like they do in cartoons. So a picture of absolute sexiness I sure definitely was!

So back to that particular moment when I first saw my then future boyfriend on webcam for the first time. Have you ever experienced with someone that show stopping, frozen moment in time? That clichéd sweaty palm, heart beat speeds up and your stomach is doing flips? Yep you got it in one, I saw him and all that decided to dump itself on me like a cold bucket of water. Only no, I didn't come out with some witty and flirty hello or introduction. What did I do you ask? I sat there gaping like a goldfish. I'm pretty sure some drool came out at some point also! Such a great introduction to yourself! At least he knew I probably had some stalker potential and was forewarned!

Now most of you are probably wondering, that with a great start like that, he'd probably cut and run but no! We are actually still very much together and quite happy even after 9 months. Yes... we have lasted a pregnancy together ha ha! And the most shocking thing I must admit to you people is, even though from reading this, you must all think I'm absolutely bonkers. But let me tell you, after 9 months with this bloke, he makes me look like the sane one in this relationship. So that should tell you something!

Ironically, only after proof reading all I've written so far, I've just realized how close it is to Valentine's Day. And no, this wasn't written for that! But to anyone who has yet to meet their next potential partner, you have been warned! And also in light of Valentine's Day, all you singles out there, I give you these words of wisdom. You are all strong independent black men and women, who don't need no man, woman! So get yourselves some chocolate, take-out, even a kitten and treat yourselves for people the smexi people that you are!

X, Y and Z

Today, I decided to approach the sensitive topic of break ups and dealing with those sometimes pesky exes. Now calm thy titties and stop going red in the face, looking like a tomato is not a good look! I decided this after a rather humorous if not heated discussion with a close friend of mine. She who shall remain nameless in this post for fear of her safety! I kid! I know I'm dealing with some perfectly rational people here. At least I hope I am...

Let's be very honest here, we have ALL experienced break ups. Whether you are the dumper or the dumpee. And if you haven't, you are either one lucky son of a gun, have been hiding underneath a rock somewhere or are lying through your teeth. But we also all know (bar those individuals who apparently haven't) that break ups can hurt more than a Brazilian wax at times! Or a kick in the nuts for you lads out there!

I remember when I broke up with my first boyfriend at the tender age of 14. Feeling like the world had just fallen apart and that I was doomed to remain a spinster for the rest of my days. My mother, (bless her) just looked me in the eye and said, ''You have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince.'' Or princess for some of you other people! Honestly when I heard that I just cried more, and boy am I a messy crier. Now we're all mature adults and can admit that no one, and I mean no one, is a beautiful crier. Not even the celebrities we so worship. I mean, what's so attractive about scrunched up red faces covered in salt water and snot? Nothing I tell you, absolutely nothing! Now back to the wise words my mother told me. At the time, I could think of was no amount of Ben and Jerry's was going to fix this (it sure came close though!) And I wished I could just hurl myself out the window. Ah, we all must love those highly strung teenage hormones! But, years later, those words of wisdom from my mother were certainly true. It just takes a while to actually see the result of them!

Onto the stages of break ups, well what I view as the stages of break ups anyway ha ha!

1.Denial

This is generally how most people feel after the break up has occurred. You just can't believe it's happened. Why has this happened? You feel like Dorothy who just got up and dumped in Oz without her Toto. Sucks doesn't it? I hate to be a complete bitch here, but yes this break up did happen. No one has slipped you anything while you weren't looking, so you're not having this horrible bad trip/dream. This is reality. This is also the part where you generally get so angry, punching a wall sounds so tempting. Don't! Ending up in hospital with a broken hand is not a picture of dignity and grace.

2.Depression

Here's the part where people generally feel they have reached rock bottom. You'll also probably have gone through endless boxes of tissues and tubs of Ben and Jerry's. And tried to get in contact with that ex of yours. Seriously, stop, drop and roll that phone! Or employ someone to kidnap you, and dump you far far away from civilization and communication technology! Also you'll probably have watched and listened to 'our movie' and 'our song' on repeat for the last while too. Feel free to be upset, you're entitled to! But this is also where things do begin to look up, because you can't go any lower than you are. 

3.Acceptance

Now you begin to start being your old self again! The rose tinted glasses are off! Everything your ex used to do, that you thought you loved and was super adorable, now annoys the s***t out of you! And with good reason! Thought your partners snoring was cute and funny? WRONG! It was the reason you never could quite get a good night's sleep whenever they were over. Thought all the jealous comments on all the guy mates you hung out with were flattering and confidence boosting? AGAIN WRONG! You just escaped one paranoid person indeed! These annoying little traits can be applied to guys and gals, so lads you are not alone!

Congrats! You have now gone past the stages of a break up! Hold your head high you sexy mother flucker you! Now there's no need to worry about that sweaty palm syndrome we all experience when first seeing ex's after that tragic ordeal! Now get thy ass out and start enjoying your single life!

Butter sticks and Messy Paws

Today was an unremarkable day like any other. Apart from having myself featured in CHUNK.ie (Yippee!) and experiencing the aftermath of my dog eating an entire stick of butter. INCLUDING the foil it was wrapped in. Now I enjoy butter as much as the next mammal, but I don't pull a golem and hog the hole stick to myself like it's my precious.

Which brings me to the topic of this blog post. The merits of cats and dogs. I mean.. don't get me wrong, I do love dogs! But there's just something very unappealing of discovering a dog has eaten it's own poop, and then insists on giving you all the kisses in the world. ''Get thy faeces breath away from me!!'' Is generally all I can think of. Plus the fact that if it wasn't for my ever loving boyfriend, I would most definitely end up as one of those crazy cat ladies you here about. Possibly even a living replica of that cat lady in the Simpsons!

I do absolutely adore having a dog! With his puppy dog eyes, his unconditional love and affection. Plus the constant tale wagging whenever I say his name or I arrive home. It's enough to make even the Witch of Narnia's heart melt! Where as with cats, they either don't care or notice you've been gone for 8 hours straight, and act all cute and cuddly only when they want food.. or have done something. Usually it's the food though. But let's be honest, when those puddy-tats use their mind control with those big adorable eyes of theirs, you'll be all to happy to feed them. Even if it's yourself! Seeing as it's been a widely controversial fact that if you die, a cat will eat your corpse while a dog will just lie beside you. Eeeeeshhh... I'd rather remain blissfully unaware of the fact my baby boo, Tibbles, would go all pacman on my cold ass!

Now I guess onto the expectations and the reality of having a pet! Most of us poor poor individuals believe that our pets will somehow get us internet fame... well you'd be wrong! Cats tend to look at us as the town fool against their high and mightiness, and would rather have a bath than do something ridiculously stupid if we were actively there filming it. I have to admit though.. the cat bath vines are rather funny! And then with dogs, you'll have the dog doing something completely idiotic, and by the time you've revived yourself from passing out with laughter, you would have missed the filming opportunity by a landslide! So I hate to tell you but, your pet is not going to get you that fame in which you so crave. Believe me, I have tried!

Now that I've finished my little rant, I believe it's time for me to watch cat vines and look at cats and cheeseburgers photos! Adios!

Gen xx

The Good, The Bad and The Fabulous

I suppose every first blog must start with an introduction, but I wouldn't really know where to begin, seeing as it usually goes one or two ways on how I introduce myself to you. I can either be this crazy bubble of energy that comes rushing forward talking a mile a minute regardless of the fact you're obviously standing there with a deer caught in headlights facial expression (this happens more often then naught with me!) Or once in a blue moon, I can be the mother of all awkward turtles, complete with the backstroke and all! 

So in this case I think it's safe to say it's not the latter you're experiencing, but the former. Considering I'm sitting here babbling on absolute nonsense, that would probably be no use to you at all. I'll get around to properly talking about myself I swear!

ON TO THE NEXT OBJECTIVE!!

So the main reason I started this blog, other than some whimsical idea of mine, was actually to write reviews and such for make up items and thingamabobs I have come across. More than likely this'll end up as nonsensical ramblings of a mad woman! But again, I've been distracted.... ANYWAYS! Today's blog shall be on Rimmel London's Scandeleyes thick and thin eyeliner I had purchased the other day in Boots. 

To begin, like most people I do love the occasional cat-eye retro flick that sport most pin up gals peepers (well in my case this is my idea of an every day look.) However, trying to perfect this look on each eye is the equivalent of trying to bathe a cat, frustrating and a possibility of ending up with black panda eyes. In the cat's case, more from battling the creature into the bath and some how end up whacking your snozzle off something. Thus the unfortunate reality of black eyes. At least when it's with eyeliner, there is the ever present knowledge of having eye make up remover to save the day! (If it's from the cat fiasco... I highly suggest you skulk at home with tea and biscuits until panda eye syndrome is gone!) 

But for the people who are blissfully unaware of my pin up predicament, I top my hat to you!

Ok back to the original rambling. So I had bought this 'scandaleyes' with what you could call a child's excitement because Christmas had come early. I mean who wouldn't love the idea of getting the striking results of using liquid eyeliner, WITHOUT the annoyance of trying to get everything perfecto?? This was all to be possible with scandaleyes! All because this came in a neat little package with a pen nib for a brush!

So with tears streaming down my face at the possibility of finding Nirvana, I bought this beauty and went home to give it a lash as they say! 

Now down to the nitty gritty stuff. On application, the sole thing I was actually happy about with this was ability to create the actual outline for the whole cat eye with more ease than I was used to! (And no need for millions of cotton buds to be sacrificed in order to rescue any mistake that had been made!) Other than that aspect, I was generally disappointed with this item. It seemed to struggle to block up the outline I had made with more eyeliner, and came out rather patchy. Now when I want black, I mean I want it as black as Captain Jack Sparrow's soul. (I kid, we all love that swashbuckling god!) So first bad mark for me was the patchiness, the second one would have been that there is no way of increasing the amount of liquid to be used in the application, no matter how much I have tried. So it was immediate game over for this little thing!

So if I were to mark this out of 10? I'd give it 3 stars out of 10, merely because I do love the idea of a pen styled liquid eyeliner. Until the day where I find one which is successful... I shall live in hope!

May the Force be with you!

Cheers,

Gen xx :)